No Mail for Old Men – Or Why It’s Fun to Have Grandparents with Wifi

When men worked all their life, it’s fair enough that they enjoy their late days on the terrace, in a sunny garden and with friends surrounding them. These days, it’s important that these terraces got WiFi and that the friends are on Skype and equipped with an email account at least…

“Did you know you get 87% less spam when your email address stats with a Q?”

My Dad asked me one day  years ago. It was the first step of him venturing out in to cyberspace, where he takes a break from cooking, baking, hiking, singing, laughing and gardening – which is what he usually spends his time with. Since this very day, I’m spoiled with forwarded mail he received. – Imagine 13-year-old boys at school. One is getting a really funny note, written on a dodgy paper, ripped out from an exercise book and crunched up more than folded. Wouldn’t you pass it on if it was funny, entertaining and leading your thoughts away from the dull day-to-day life around you?

Here’s the latest gem from my  collection “forwarded notes from my father’s friends to my father“. It’s about a girl, well: a Golden Girl. And about parties and boys. It’s almost Dadaism. Hugo Ball, Kurt Schwitters by accident. Enjoy!

———- Forwarded Message ———-
From: Fritz Lachner <qphylloxera@live.com>
Date: 2013/6/20  11:32
Subject: dread
To: paul otto <qpotto@ymail.de>

Good Day, Paul,

in the case Dreadling.
The handling is indeed very time-consuming.
She sends me smile and smirk stories, I keep her entertained.
I’m not mailing you the jokes any more, because your PC capacities are too marginal.

For Uq I really enriched her celebration at the Lot’s place pleasantly. The Le was apparently also there, not the Pa. About his absence reportedly has been conjectured.

If O or not.???.

Overall it was supposedly good.
“Old” faces  seemingly are not involved any more.

The Pa is now also already 9y out of the office, and the Lot was surely not exactly his friend.
What would the Pa have done there. Sit next to enemies like Lot, Uq, Dr. Meyer, what else I happen to know…

The Hill is as talkative as a hill, Pa would have had nothing from that either.
Pa is not inside this business any more.
I (we) should not have to care.

Will we go again to BWh having a nice day?

All the best wishes to you
Fritz

Oh, yes, this is real.
And of course I did change the personal information, but tried to keep the original unintended and intended pun. As well as the feel of names and places and sometimes weird punctuation.

Isn’t it strange which style a language adapts, when you work for 40+ years in an office only ever writing demand notes and administration fines? I hope this feel of office burnt into a brain has not been lost in translation. It left me very touched.

(Read more Dadaist poetry found in the real world here: After Hours in Mongolia – Authentic Dadaist Thermos Poetry)